12.6.05

Keeping on the DL

Sometimes, I think of a topic for an entry and plan it all out in my mind while I drive to or from work. When I finally get around to typing it up, it suddenly becomes a bad idea and I quickly close the word document and leave the desk. Last week, I had this entire entry planned out about life after all the pomp & circumstance of graduation. I went to the extent of writing it long hand on a scrap piece of paper and in my paper journal. I thought about it as I drove home from work, thinking of all the perfect words, but in the end, I did what I mentioned in the beginning of this paragraph.

It’s not that I don’t want to share with you what it’s been like. What I planned to do was create this entry that I can’t create just yet. I’m still looking for a job. Attempting to create the perfect resume for the jobs that I feel I can apply my skills to. (Yeah, I know I should not end a sentence with a preposition.) Coming to terms with turning 25 in the middle of this week and finding a way to keep everyone happy.

Things aren’t really as bad as I think they are. I mean, I have experience and a degree. However, this didn’t stop me from waking up in the middle of the night last week freaking out about finding a job within the next month so that it would give me enough time to find a place before my lease is up here. All the “so what are you going to do now” and “have you found another job” comments are doing nothing for me. I know these people mean well. Most of the time, I give them vague answers or an “I don’t know.” And while I know this isn’t the best answer, “God, you’re a writer, you should be able to make up something,” I just want people to leave me alone.

I decided long ago, that this is a time for me para andar oleando, just like the Julieta Venegas song suggests. I don’t know what the purpose of my life is, but I know that I’ll be pushed toward the right direction, that’s how it’s always been with me in the past. Right now is a time of growth for me. There are a lot of changes and I’m coming to terms with a lot of things and the way I handle this is to keep it on the down low. See, I know I’m an extremely fickle person and it takes a lot for me to make up my mind about things. If I wanted to, I could be talking up some director or dean of some college so that I can get into their graduate program in the Fall, but what good will that do if I find myself mid-semester wanting out? While I know I can’t spend the rest of my life weighing the options, can’t I spend a couple of months thinking it out and working on a plan?

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

i dont think you ever fully stop weighing the options. its always fluid, i think. but thats my two cents anyway. tu guerito

mariposatomica said...

25? My God you are just a fetus!! Feliz CumpleaƱos by the way. You are an excellent writer and that will open many doors for you. Like I was telling another blogger "Live Life On Your Own Terms and Follow YOUR BLISS."

cindylu said...

Yay! You're another 1980 baby. I think I've told you that Oleada holds a lot of meaning for me too. Taking time to make your transition is important. I wouldn't want you to be in something just 'cause you felt you had to and then hate it.