Of Mishaps, Accidents, and Change

I have not had very good days lately. Yesterday, I was sent home from work because my craziness got me all antsy and sickly. Today, in an attempt to clean the apartment for the impending Super Bowl festivities tomorrow, I managed to do the following:

1.       Spill an entire bottle of perfume on the bathroom floor
2. Break the bucket used to hold the mopping solution
3. Proceed to get water all over the carpet and bathroom floor
4. Break off the top of the bath towel chest dropping everything that was on top of it on the wet bathroom floor
5. Slip on water and almost fall

I still have to wash dishes (I did manage to break a glass while doing dishes), get a haircut, and get my mail from the post office*. So much room for more accidents.

THEN, there was the botched project at work. I totally ruined this event we were planning because I was dilly dallying around. I really hope I can find a new work home for next year. I’m so done being a headless chicken. People say it’s me because I do like to work and be useful and make people happy, but I have had jobs that I’ve done all of the above and still had time to come home and cook dinner and exercise and spend time with people I love. I try to rationalize all the work that I do by saying, “It’s for the kids.” Because when you think about it, it does come down to being about the kids, but I can’t save the world. I have this mentality that believes that even if I don’t teach all those kids, I can touch their lives by educating their teachers. But I can’t because some of their teachers are headstrong or have better ideas or just don’t care, and I don’t have the power to change that. Maybe I will finally get the picture.

*There was a furnace explosion near the office at our complex. The explosion burned down two apartments, our mail center, and the office. Had I mentioned this before?

Another Low

How sad is it that I’ve already started a countdown for the end of school?

This year has been rough to say the least. As much as I want to be the person that can, I’m not. And it’s not because I suck, but because I don’t delegate much. I’ve gotten a lot better about it, but I still don’t do it enough. I feel like I have to do it all.

All of these extra things I’ve taken on or have been handed have really taken away time from my students, and for this, I feel really bad. I know that it could be worse, but I also know that I could be better. And while I’m rocking out with some awesome lessons that don’t involve worksheets and are challenging, etc., I don’t have the time to spend with the kids. I’ve been out of class at least twice this month and will be out two more times doing extra stuff. Meetings after school and the never ending research, filing, etc, keep me from attending games, competitions, concerts. This is what I’m missing the most.

This past weekend, some of my students competed in The Future City Competition. They built a model of a city that was eco-friendly. Even though I helped out with their abstract, I missed out because I was meeting with my colleagues about a grant to some traveling this summer. Although they didn’t place, they did receive an award for Most Eco-friendly city. Really, they didn’t place because there couldn’t be two teams in the top whatever from the same school (another group placed 3rd).

I hardly get to see the girl’s group. We have yet to meet this semester. After school tutorials are a dream. Making time to meet with students is really difficult. I have to schedule it way in advance. If you look at my agenda, it’s sort of a joke.

And personal life? Hah! That’s a joke! My loved ones hardly get to hear from me on the phone much less see me in person.

I know this is a career choice that I made, and I love aspects of the job. There are days I come home with my head in the clouds because I had a good day with that kid who doesn’t get it, or a kid said/wrote something amazing, but lately, those days have been few a far between.

I just wish I could go back to my roots. Go back to being what I was at the beginning of the year. I’ve seen too much of the ugly side of education. This side makes me negative and bitchy. It makes me long for summer, but the saddest thing is that it makes me wish I didn’t do what I do.

Adios Navidad

I hate this time of year. All of the Christmas lights are coming down, stores are dead, and the good cheer is gone. It could potentially be a very depressing point in time. Fortunately, the depression hasn’t set in. I’m hoping it doesn’t. I have three more days before I return to work.

Speaking of returning to work, I’m sort of scared of going back. There are many tasks to be completed this spring semester and I fear that I’m going to lose some of my me time. The couple weeks before school let out, I was working 12-hour days pretty much every day. I did tell my students that I was done accepting late assignments. At least their homeroom and unbook reports. They are given deadlines for these assignments in advance. Plus, they are given time in class to complete the assignments.

I really thought that this year was going to be way better than the last two. It seems like there’s always a monkey wrench to be dealt with. There is always more that needs to be done. Or a new task that needs to be fulfilled. And it’s not such a big deal if my writing didn’t have to take the back seat to all this. Perhaps someday I will figure out how to balance life, work, and writing.

Too Little, Too Late

Today, in our 6th grade team meeting, as I was being booed by a colleague because I opted not to partake in Friday’s pep rally events, I made a vow to myself that I wouldn’t be so concerned with the upcoming exams and not mention it to my students until maybe next year.

I’m tired of this last minute push to get the kids ready. The way I figure, we’re four days away; they either know it or they don’t. There really isn’t much that I can do now. It really upsets me that it’s now that we’re getting help from up above about it. Never mind that some of this kids haven’t turned in work and when sent to the office returned with a warning or a day’s worth of after school detention, or that when they were assigned to in school suspension and work returned undone, no one was reprimanded.

On the mock exams, my students had 87% and quite a big being commended. I told them that my goal is 100% passing rate and hope they’re on board because there’s no way the 7th or 8th graders should enjoy a day of swimming the last day of school.

Easter break was good. I spent a lot of it fighting with the computer trying to get my internet to work and watching movies. I saw The Departed, which I didn’t think was that great. I also tried to watch The Good Shepherd, but was unable to maintain the attention span. At the theatre, I saw Blades of Glory, which wasn’t as funny as I imagined, and Grindhouse, which was, by far, the best movie I saw all weekend.

As time marches on, I can’t wait for summer vacation. I know that after a couple of weeks, I’ll wish school to be back in session, especially since this summer is longer than usual; but it’ll be nice when I wake up wanting to go to the beach or stay in bed all day and be able to do it.

On Writing

I’m starting to think that signing up for this writing class wasn’t the best idea. Don’t get me wrong, I have learned a few tricks and it’s also nice to hang out with people who are interested in literature.

The problem lies in the writing part. We do one writing activity per session, and it’s not the utmost important thing. Out of the three hours we’re in class, we spend maybe 25 minutes writing and the rest critiquing. I’m not of the group that says that writers don’t need to read, but I would like to spend more time writing, even if it was only 20 more minutes.

Also, we end up with a lot of homework. Each week, we have to critique, at the very least, three other stories. With the weeks I’ve been having, I barely have enough time to critique the pieces, let alone write.

It just seems that other workshops I’ve had, I’ve been allowed to do more writing than in this one. Nevertheless, I will continue to chip time away from other things to fit in some writing time here and there.

Last week, when we didn’t have class because of Spring Break, I got up early on Sunday and spent two hours at the computer typing my life away. I’m hoping this habit will congeal once class is over. I rather enjoy my Saturday morning literature time.