I was sent home Friday because my blood pressure was high.
I wasn’t going to talk about this here because I didn’t want people in my family to find out. At first, my reasoning was because I didn’t want them to worry about me. But the truth is that I am extremely embarrassed.
I am embarrassed that I have let myself go this far physically, mentally, and emotionally. Talking to my writing buddy today really made me take stock of what my life has become.
Teaching was never my life goal. I fell into it. It was meant to be a retention pond before going on, but it’s becoming a retention pond with no outlet. Don’t get me wrong, I love working with kids and certain kids really make me feel fortunate and happy to do my job, but something tells me it’s not meant to be my “life work.”
My writing buddy also told me that I’m failing my artistic side. And really, I can’t argue with her. Looking at this blog, I can also see the effects of my current situation and I can even track I got where I am. Sometimes, I don’t even want to blog because I know it’s going to be about work. Every other conversation that I have somehow involves work, and I’m sick of it.
As much as I’d like to give my current life the one finger salute, I know I can’t. That's not what grown ups do. Instead, there are small things that I can do to increase my quality of life. The first of which is not brining home so much work. Instead of filling up my spare time with more work so that I end up like a vegetable at the end of the day, work stays at school, and 30 minutes of writing will take it’s place. Even if I’m not exactly writing, but reading an essay on the craft, editing something, or re-reading things I feel good about.
I have also scheduled into my week three days for exercise. I know I should probably do more, but for now, I will work with that. As I learn to take things off my plate, I will be able to increase real life activities.
When I see how the quality of my life either increases or decreases, I will be more inclined to do more for myself.
I wasn’t going to talk about this here because I didn’t want people in my family to find out. At first, my reasoning was because I didn’t want them to worry about me. But the truth is that I am extremely embarrassed.
I am embarrassed that I have let myself go this far physically, mentally, and emotionally. Talking to my writing buddy today really made me take stock of what my life has become.
Teaching was never my life goal. I fell into it. It was meant to be a retention pond before going on, but it’s becoming a retention pond with no outlet. Don’t get me wrong, I love working with kids and certain kids really make me feel fortunate and happy to do my job, but something tells me it’s not meant to be my “life work.”
My writing buddy also told me that I’m failing my artistic side. And really, I can’t argue with her. Looking at this blog, I can also see the effects of my current situation and I can even track I got where I am. Sometimes, I don’t even want to blog because I know it’s going to be about work. Every other conversation that I have somehow involves work, and I’m sick of it.
As much as I’d like to give my current life the one finger salute, I know I can’t. That's not what grown ups do. Instead, there are small things that I can do to increase my quality of life. The first of which is not brining home so much work. Instead of filling up my spare time with more work so that I end up like a vegetable at the end of the day, work stays at school, and 30 minutes of writing will take it’s place. Even if I’m not exactly writing, but reading an essay on the craft, editing something, or re-reading things I feel good about.
I have also scheduled into my week three days for exercise. I know I should probably do more, but for now, I will work with that. As I learn to take things off my plate, I will be able to increase real life activities.
When I see how the quality of my life either increases or decreases, I will be more inclined to do more for myself.
3 comments:
Eek! I hope those changes you'll make will show positive results and we get to see more of your great writing.
Gracias.
hang on to your writing. an artist needs their art to keep sane. sending you good vibes.
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