Tal vez me voy...

Of Mishaps, Accidents, and Change

I have not had very good days lately. Yesterday, I was sent home from work because my craziness got me all antsy and sickly. Today, in an attempt to clean the apartment for the impending Super Bowl festivities tomorrow, I managed to do the following:

1.       Spill an entire bottle of perfume on the bathroom floor
2. Break the bucket used to hold the mopping solution
3. Proceed to get water all over the carpet and bathroom floor
4. Break off the top of the bath towel chest dropping everything that was on top of it on the wet bathroom floor
5. Slip on water and almost fall

I still have to wash dishes (I did manage to break a glass while doing dishes), get a haircut, and get my mail from the post office*. So much room for more accidents.

THEN, there was the botched project at work. I totally ruined this event we were planning because I was dilly dallying around. I really hope I can find a new work home for next year. I’m so done being a headless chicken. People say it’s me because I do like to work and be useful and make people happy, but I have had jobs that I’ve done all of the above and still had time to come home and cook dinner and exercise and spend time with people I love. I try to rationalize all the work that I do by saying, “It’s for the kids.” Because when you think about it, it does come down to being about the kids, but I can’t save the world. I have this mentality that believes that even if I don’t teach all those kids, I can touch their lives by educating their teachers. But I can’t because some of their teachers are headstrong or have better ideas or just don’t care, and I don’t have the power to change that. Maybe I will finally get the picture.

*There was a furnace explosion near the office at our complex. The explosion burned down two apartments, our mail center, and the office. Had I mentioned this before?

No. 44

Oh my God, it is really, really true. I cannot even put into words the immense, overwhelming, absolutely wondrous feeling in my heart.

We Must Be the Change We Wish to See in the World...

I saw that quote a couple weeks ago on a cup at the Barnes and Noble café. I’m not much of a quote person. I get too curious about what else it says and if it was taken out of context or what.

But that Gandhi quote really resonated with me.

All around, people keep squawking about change and things are actually changing. You could hear the earth rumbling last year and then it picked up speed at the end of ‘08. At times it seems like they’re coming so hard and fast, they might crush a few of us against the wall.

It’s a little daunting to think of what is to come. Normally, I’m the kind of person that enjoys change, but I don’t know what it is that has me freaking out. Perhaps it’s the uncertainty of it all. The fear of falling face first on the ground. I know all of these things are normal, but I hate feeling them. I want that hopeless optimism to kick in already, and at the same time, I know it probably won’t until I make peace with all of this change.

And really, what I put in is what I will get out of this whole experience enter the Gandhi quote. Overall, I think 2009 will bring more of the good stuff and less of the crap that 2008 spewed out at the end. If anything, The Bush will be out of office; so it really can’t be that bad.

When my butt starts scraping the dirt, the Gandhi quote will be my mantra. 

No New Year's Resolution Here

So it’s a New Year. 2009. I will be 29 later this year. I will have completed my fourth year teaching and start on my fifth. I’ll be eight years into a relationship. I will be one year away from thirty.

Someone asked me what my New Year’s resolution is this year and when I said, “Nothing.” They were shocked. They could not believe that I wasn’t setting a resolution.

When I was taking a writing class a couple semesters ago, our teacher said that he was always interested in writing a story that took place on New Year’s Day. He tried to explain why, but I had one of my J.D. moments where I get lost in thought. I knew exactly what he was talking about. How people think that this year will be the answer to all of their prayers. This year will be the year that they decide to change their lives for the better by not smoking or eating or spending so much time at work or spending less time in front of the TV and more time at the gym.

So many people write against New Year’s resolutions. Then there are those that set their lives to them. I fall in between, I guess. If I really think about it, I have fresh starts so many times a year. There is the end of the school year, my birthday, the start of a new school year, the start of a new semester, and then all of those moments during the year that I decide I should change things or the universe thinks I should.

I’m avoiding the resolutions this year, not because there aren’t things that I want to change in my life, but rather because when they come about, I don’t want to have to wait until January 1^st to do it. In the past, when I’ve made life-altering changes, the date had nothing to do with it. I want to get away from this idea that it must be done at a certain time. 

Flight 2701 to Houston Hobby 3:05 PM

I’m on my way back to Houston after a short holiday visit to El Paso. I have the most beautiful view of the Franklins from my gate. The clouds are rolling over the rumpled earth beneath them. Rolling toward the east, perhaps to meet me in the sadness that settles in every time I have to leave.

It was a great visit. I got to see all of the people that I love and miss. This visit, more than any other, cemented the idea that I have outgrown this place. I love it so much, and I wish that some day, I could come back to live here, but it’s not where I can make my home. The way that people treat one another would probably drive me crazy. I hate how some people think that they are above others.

I wish so much for my mom and brother to move to the Houston area. Things wouldn’t be peachy at first, but it would be so nice to have family around. Sometimes it is so lonely there. So many times there are things that happen that I wish I could have them around to vent or to share joy with. Perhaps someday.

In the meantime, all we have are cloudy skies and teary eyes. 

Live and Direct from El Chuco

Sitting at Barnes and Noble in El Paso having some coffee. Amazingly, the headache that I'd been nursing all day has gone away. Perhaps I am addicted to the caffeine now. What a sad state my life has become.

My rental car is complete awesomeness. It's a Toyota Matrix that uses up hardly any gas and can play my iPod. 

I am enjoying time with the family. Haven't had many thoughts of work which should make many peeps happy although they requested NO thoughts of work. I suppose it's like my caffeine addiction, gotta take it slow. 

When we leave here, I think we're going to go see the Christmas lights in the neighborhood over by Eastwood High. Haven't been there in a while. I hope the decline of the economy hasn't sucked out the Christmas spirit. 

A List

I have thought about updating for days now, but I’ve been stuck in classic me mode. The mode where I have so many things I want and need to do, but become paralyzed and do nothing. Same thing with this blog, so much to blog about, but I just don’t do it. Maybe I’ll try a list. 

1. Lots of not great things have happened with family, friends, and students. You’d think I’d be in horrible spirits, but I’m not. All the things that are happening hurt, but it just seems like a part of life.
   
2. I attended NCTE in San Antonio last week. It was my first NCTE conference and was a bit over stimulated by the end of it. Naomi Shihab Nye made a special appearance at the Middle School Mosaic. Saw Sid Fleischman, Scott Westerfield, Kelly Gallagher, and got to chat with Jeff Anderson for a bit. Anderson is so tall. He truly is like a God. The coolest thing about the whole conference was seeing the CEO of Sesame Street with a special appearance by Grover.
3. My niece, Joann, was in town, too. I got to hang out with her and her husband. She is leaving for Afghanistan Monday, December 1. I usually have a good feeling about events, but I have no idea about this one. I hope she returns safely from her tour. The best-case scenario is that there would be no involvement in Afghanistan, but I doubt that’s going to happen.
4. I will be presenting at NABE in February. I will also be attending the Middle School Conference, and Tuesday I began my tutoring gig. Seems like things will be getting crazy busy once again. Maybe that’s the key to keeping my sanity.

I suppose I’m going to try to clear off some bookshelf space. Maybe I’ll put up the Christmas stuff…

The Fate of Palin

As I thumbed through this week’s edition of Newsweek, I thought of what will happen to Sarah Palin when this election is over. 

Last night, an interview with Palin was aired on 20/20. In the intro, they said something about 60-something days. It was shocking to me that she’s only been involved in this campaign that few days. The other guys have been going on a year and a half at least. They’ve become a common character in my life. If I want to know what ‘s going on with them, all I have to do is turn on the TV, pick up a magazine or newspaper, or check my e-mail. 

Palin came on the scene and stole the attention like a bratty baby sister. McCain chose a woman for his VP pick! Sarah Palin is hot! She doesn’t know anything! Her daughter is pregnant! $150,000 was spent on her wardrobe! Etc.

Had I not voted already, I may have been more critical. However, since voting, I have been overcome with this overwhelming sense of hope. I did my part and so many people around me have, too and I have nothing to fear anymore. This isn’t ’04. I will not face election night with a knot in my stomach wishing for a fourth-quarter pipe dream.

So this morning, I wonder what will happen to Sarah Palin when she returns to Alaska.

Hope

I have a memory of the day we got out for Winter Break my first year of teaching. We’d been given poinsettias at the annual Christmas luncheon and I also had a plant in my classroom that I wanted to bring home in hopes of keeping it alive. So I had a Xerox box loaded with the plants and the gifts I had received from students. I was driving home and a wall of clouds was creating a gray haze that was shielding the sun. I remember stopping at a gas station and wanting to scream. I was so excited about being free for the next two weeks. 

When I’m stressed or knee deep in work, I like to revisit my collection of memories that evoke this feeling of freedom. As I sit here chipping away at my freelance project, I can feel that such a moment is near.  

Dolores and Bernice

Work has pretty much been sucking up any of my free time, which is why I haven’t been around. I’m really behind on my freelance project so I’ll be dedicating my weekend to it. I just sent in my first batch of stuff and I’m a little nervous and excited.

Things are pretty much back to normal around these parts. At times there is a harsh reality check, like when I briefed on a new student I received earlier this week. Her family lost everything during the storm. I was really happy to see the kids taking to her right away.

There are some good and bad things that have happened, but it’s late and I’m tired. I will tell you though, I made the big switch from PC to Mac. It’s the coolest, best thing I’ve done in a while. Dolores, my Mac, makes me so happy. I love having her. Oh, and today, my brain was named Bernice. Peace out.

Don’t forget to vote!!!

Really? This is newsworthy?

Tough talk from Mayor WhiteTuesday, September 23, 2008 7:15 PM By Ted Oberg HOUSTON (KTRK) --

As if he didn't have enough to do, Houston Mayor Bill White is explaining his tough language to some FEMA visitors from Georgia.

It happened in the days just after Ike when it seemed like everyone was frustrated and stressed.

In storms like this, FEMA sends crews from all over the country to help manage the disaster. One of those crews came from Georgia to dispatch trucks of food and ice to points of distribution, or PODs. Mayor White thought they weren't getting the job done and the governor of Georgia got offended when White told them so.

Surrounded by trash, living with marginal power and dealing with the long effects of a storm can make people angry.

"They ain't picked up my (expletive) trash yet," said resident Third Ward Kenneth Allen. "Hell yeah, I still feel the effects of the storm."

We're not proud of it and it doesn't sound real nice, but when there's no AC, heated language is a little understandable, maybe even coming from our Mayor White.

Last Tuesday morning, Mayor White visited the thousands of people in line at the TSU POD. All the supplies had been sitting overnight at Reliant Stadium. The mayor wasn't happy.

"That is not going to happen again," said Mayor White to the media in the days after the storm.
What he didn't say from that podium is that before the trucks started rolling, some tough words rolled off his tongue. According to a city witness, he told some FEMA workers from Georgia dispatching trucks, to "Get those (expletive) trucks moving" and "You better get your (expletive) act together."

Apparently, those Georgia workers' feelings bruise easier than a Georgia peach. They tattled on our mayor and the Georgia governor wrote Texas Governor Rick Perry a letter saying, "I would not tolerate the profane berating of Texas or Georgia volunteers here...and I trust that you do not either."

Governor Perry wrote back, saying he was dismayed and offered his sincerest apologies.
"Now there's a feud between Georgia and Texas," said Allen.

People who stood in the long TSU lines don't think our mayor needs to do a thing.
"I commend the mayor," said Allen. "Because if someone dropped the ball, he should get on their (expletive)."

"I think he's human," added Third Ward Tonya Wyche. "I think he's stressed and I would've said something worse than that."

Tuesday in Washington, the mayor explained his words and isn't backing down.
"I always feel bad if I hurt someone's feelings," he said. "I was trying to get people moving quicker and trying to provide a little incentive to do so."

If not for the involvement of two governors, this sure would seem like a little deal. And it does seem like a little deal to the guy who supervises the Georgia workers. He told me on Tuesday that they've been yelled at by a lot more people than Mayor White and they understand how he lost his cool.
____________________________________________________________________

I can't believe anyone would waste time writting letters and complaining about this. The truth is, while Perry and Bush twiddle their thumbs, White has been working his butt off to make sure his people have what they need. If the twits sitting at Reliant, with trucks full of supplies that people need, don't understand, they deserve to be talked to in this manner. Lucky for them, it was only White yelling at them.

Back to School

I got up at 6 AM today in preparation for my re-back to school morning tomorrow. That’s right, re-back to school. I have not been to work since September 11th. I won’t see my students until Monday, which means they will have lost eleven instructional days. ELEVEN. That’s a lot of time. I don’t know what the plan for makeup is. I think it all depends on how much time The State grants.

In some ways, it’s been nice to have the time off. In a moment of panic the other day, I worked several hours on freelance project and did quite a bit, now if I could only coax myself to type the darn thing up. Last night, I read my new Newsweek almost cover to cover. I watched a movie a day, cooked meals at home, spent time with The BF, kept the house clean, and did all of my laundry.

Right before the storm, things were really intense. My mom was in town, and still, I couldn’t drag myself away from work earlier than 6:00 PM, and when I got home, I still managed to work another hour or so. I don’t know if I’ll go back to the same. Knowing myself, I probably will. Still, I wish I wouldn’t.

Last night, we went to Starbucks for a snack and there was a girl, probably in her 20’s, curled up on one of the armchairs with a copy of White Oleander. I could tell she had been there a while because her medium cup of iced tea and large cup of water were half full. I wish I could do that, too. I wish I had time to sit and read for hours like that. Usually, when things are crazy, I still make time to read an article or a chapter from something I enjoy. Sometimes my eyes are so tired that I resort to audio books. But it’s not the leisure expressed by the pose of Reading Starbucks Girl.

Perhaps el Ike meant to make me have a re-start so that I get things right this time, so that I don’t forget that I have to watch out for me.

Here are some pics of Ike’s visit.

Not my building. The guy who lives there was asleep when this happened. He and his family were moved to another apartment. Here is what was under it when it collapsed.

Not sure whose vehicle this is. They probably parked on the lawn because our parking lot tends to flood.

Glad this didn't become something for Ike to blow around.

This was a common image. Again, I'm glad they weren't torn off and blown around.

Slacker Uprising

Michael Moore's new movie Slacker Uprising can be viewed for free!

The Aftermath

We've all got all of our limbs, fingers, and everything in tact. I have some pictures to post that Dan the Man took while looking for some provisions, but I can't find the cable to upload pics onto the laptop.

I know that we are so much more fortunate than others and I am so grateful for it. I don't know who was looking out for us, but they did a great job.

El Ike

I'm hunkering down near downtown Houston awaiting the wrath of Ike. I don't know what anyone did to him, but he's pretty upset. I don't think much will happen to us though. I have a strong feeling it's all going to be okay.

Hi Ate Us

My updates are going to be scarce around here. I have a ton of start of year stuff to prepare. The cool thing is that if I do a good job now, next year, I won’t feel like I’m running on a 15 mph treadmill at my 3 mph rate.

I’m enjoying my side gig. It’s been very enlightening. I don’t know how much I can share, but I will tell you that it’s got to do with education.

I’m really enjoying my students this year. More than half are the kids I had at the start of last year. Today, we had another one of those “buzz” moments. I took them to the library for the first time, and when we came back, they had ten minutes of silent reading time. Even my rowdiest class was quiet and reading the entire time. In one class, I had some whiners, saying “I HATE to READ! I’m not going to read!” at the library. Once the librarian or I got a good book in their hands, they were upset when I made them stop. I felt bad, but I really needed to show them a video to prepare them for one on tomorrow’s assignments.

Aside from work, not much else has gone on. I watched a couple of movies last weekend. Martian Child was pretty cool. I really enjoyed it. I also saw Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead that was sort of twisted and sad. Lastly, I saw a good chunk of Beautiful it had that cute little girl from Paulie and the Pepsi commercials. It was a good chick flick.

My mama flies in tomorrow. I’m so giddy. She’s finally going to meet the bf’s parents. It should be fun.

Hope I can update sooner than later!

Return to the Daily Grind

I apologize for the lack of updates. As you can imagine, or perhaps you know, school has started up again. The kids returned on Tuesday. Last week and weekend, I was really nervous about the school year because I have one new duty and I also took on a freelance project. On top of that, I had a few meetings to prepare.

When I went to pick up my homeroom from the gym, there was a little cheer when the counselor said, “Ms. Baeza’s homeroom come on down!”

I was a little worried about that. I like enthusiasm, but not when they’re going to be with me for a couple hours. When we got back to class and I started my first day spiel, it was all good. At the end of the day, I was really happy. The buzz that teachers talk about, the one that happens when kids are learning, could be heard several times yesterday and today.

I left school at 8 PM today, but I there wasn’t any resent. I still have some prep work to do right now, but I’m okay with it. I know it’s going to be a good year. I have great students, almost a year of 7th grade experience under my belt, great colleague, and a good plan of where I’m going.

Olympic Observations or Procrastination

I have a couple of things to do today, but I stayed up way too late last night/this morning. I don’t feel like doing anything, so I figured I would start and hopefully complete an entry instead of getting in the shower.

Part of the reason I was up last night was because I was glued to the Primetime edition of the Olympics. I wanted to make sure Phelps got his two medals and I’ve always been partial to gymnastics.

Here are a few of my observations categorized by good and bad.

Beijing 2008—The Bad

One of the things I’ve complained about since opening day about these Olympics is some of the commentary. I don’t know the names of all the hosts/commentators on NBC save for Bob “Big Head” Costas or Matt Lauer, so I will call many of them the dude or the chick.

Costas and Lauer annoyed me with some of their comments during the Parade of the Nations (my favorite part of any opening ceremony) because they poked fun at the clothes some of the different countries wore. Perhaps some of the garb seems ridiculous to you, but you are on a television station that can be seen around the world. The other thing that annoyed me is that as Guatemala marched in, one of them talked about the guy carrying the flag, Kevin Cordon who is their badminton player, and said, “He might as well go home because China has the gold medal locked in on this one.”

D-dawg was annoyed that they kept saying, “Such and such country has NEVER won an Olympic medal.” After seeing the magnitude of the U.S. Olympic team, D-dawg said, “Well, no wonder we win so many medals! They should take that into account when tallying up medal counts.”*

I know it’s their job to talk and fill us in on these little tidbits, but watch what you say. Ethnocentric much?

Then, last night, when the U.S. Women’s Gymnastic team was done and they were interviewing they team, the woman/chick would not lay off Alicia Sacramone about her mistakes. I mean, I get it that they could have taken gold and they had a chance and yadda yadda yadda, but it happens! People fall off the beam or miss a landing or step out of bounds. And from all the camera in your face shots of Alicia after her last two events, you could tell, she was beating herself up over it, why lay into her in the interview? I just wanted to reach through the TV, take the mic, and whack Mrs. Interviewer over the head and tell her to shut up. They could have not placed. They could sucked it up on all of the events and came in last place. Leave her alone already!

The Good

It was awesome when the men’s relay team beat the French in the pool. I’m not partial to smack talk. In fact, in politics, when people put out negative ads, each time I see one, I loose a bit of respect for them. I firmly believe there is a high and low road, and I like it when people take the high road.

The other good is that I’ve noticed more diversity in the U.S. Olympians. When I saw Raj Bhavsar, I thought it was so freaking cool. Then when I heard how he was an alternate and this was really his last chance to be in the Olympics, I was even happier. The icing on the cake was that his hometown is Houston.

I’m also super excited about the Lopezes who are competing in Taekwando next week. Ahem, also from the Houston area. And lets not forget Bernard Lagat and Lopez Lomong.

Prior to the start of the games, I had read an article about how some countries import their athletes and I thought it was unfair and certain the U.S. did this. But some of them they didn’t import; they’re actual home grown peeps with some spice. I think that’s awesome.


*Neither of us had paid much attention to prior Olympics. We watched them here and there, but not like we have this year. I suppose the giant TV helps. D-dawg says it’s not “giant,” but it is to me! I’ve always had a 21” TV; this is like twice as big!

Little Big Planet

Growing up, I had a Sega. I loved all the Sonic games. My absolute favorite was Sonic Spinball which I was never able to beat. Still, I was never really the kind to becomes obsessed with video games.

Now, we own a PS3 and a Nintendo DS. There's been talk of a Wii, but no final decision has been made. I mostly play on the DS, but I'm really looking forward to Little Big Planet. It might even make me a video game obsessed junkie.