Post Valentine's Day

2/13/2016

For Valentine's Day, I took D.S.A. to watch Deadpool. We got into a big fight after the movie. I took my pillow and phone charger and went to sleep in the spare room that night. That was the beginning of the end.

2/14/2018

I was "seeing" some guy I met on eHarmony. He sent me chocolate covered strawberries to work that arrived before Valentine's Day, on a day I wasn't at the office. But, I loved him. I wanted so badly for things to work out between us because he seemed like the type of guy I had always wanted. However, by this point in our "relationship," I had an unsettling feeling about the future. I often woke up in the middle of the night with a knot of anxiety burning in my stomach. I tried to run it away, but it persisted.

Any time I got a text from him, the anxiety kicked up a notch. In the months that followed, it grew worse. My moods swung up and down depending on if I had heard from him. When summer was approaching, I was afraid of being home because I felt like all I would do was obsess about the status of our "relationship."

When my birthday rolled around that year, he forgot. I knew he was going to forget because he hadn't asked me what I was planning to do or anything. Fortunately, my sister-in-law and the kids came to visit, so it was a distraction. And my wonderful friend Jocelyn planned a day of day drinking and fun. When I told him it was my birthday, he tried to make up for it by sending me an e-card, but it was too late. I had been living with that anxiety since the start of the new year, and I was tired. For the rest of my birthday, I ignored his texts. The next day, I broke it off with him.

Hurting, lonely, and sad, I joined the apps again. And not two weeks later, I met, as my best friend calls him, Mr. Noodles. We met on a Sunday, the following Saturday, we met up for ramen, hence the name Mr. Noodles, and we went to see Solo. On the 4th of July, he drove through the rain to make me dinner and watch a Jurassic Park marathon.

When he got here, he backed up his car against the wooden fence which is a big no-no in my complex. His car got towed. Because of past experiences, I felt like it was my fault. I drove him in silence to get his car. He was upset, but he never acted upset towards me just himself. That was a first for me.

2/14/2020

I'm still seeing Mr. Noodles, but we don't spend Valentine's Day together. Last year, it was a work day for both of us. The next day, he came over and brought me a giant blue dog I named Elvis, a big heart with candy, and flowers. This year, we were both too tired. I actually suggested he stay home, and we catch up today. He asked where I wanted to eat for dinner. I replied, "I'm picking up some shrimp to make shrimp scampi for dinner."

The thing is, Mr. Noodles and I don't need Valentine's Day. He brings me flowers just because. When he buys me gifts, they're the things I talk about wanting. He makes me dinner often or makes breakfast so that I'm not slaving away when I get back from a run. If I tell him I don't feel like doing anything, he's okay with that.

Maybe because we've both had difficult relationships in the past, we don't expect a whole lot from one another.

In all the time we've been together, we've never really had a fight. There are things we disagree on, but it's not a big enough deal to get angry at one another. Maybe that's bad, but it doesn't feel like it.

I always know exactly where I stand with him, and that's so nice. He never causes me any anxiety. And, I really appreciated him understanding that I needed some rest yesterday.