Even though Jorge was the baby boy of the family, I always had a sense that there was something off between Dad and Jorge.
I remember when I was about four or five the police was called at two in the morning because in a drunken rage, Dad had taken the mattress Jorge was sleeping on and had flipped it with Jorge still on it.
As we grew up, Dad didn't seem as proud of the things Jorge did. And it's not like he didn't give him things to be proud of. He was in some math competition in middle school, in high school he was in ROTC and on the Army Drill team. It was amazing to watch how fast he could spin the heavy riffle, throw it up in the air, and catch it with precise accuracy. And because he was a good student--well mannered and smart--he ended up with a pretty high rank. Once, he was even in the paper because he was selected to represent the city at an ROTC Drill event.
The only thing that caused Dad some pride was when Jorge enlisted in the Army and chose to be in the Airborne Unit. You could see my dad's chest swell with pride when he'd see my brother's letters arrive with the return address reading 101st Airborne Unit. In his short time in the Army, Dad has also been part of the 101st Airborne Unit.
As I got older, I grew to understand that Dad's grudge against Jorge stemmed from when Jorge was a baby. Apparently, after he was born, Mom kept her distance from Dad. And it seemed like she used him as a reason not to partake in certain married couple activities. Dad blamed Jorge for all of this because he slept with them, and he always seemed to be around.
I, of course, loved my brother, so that tension angered me. How could Dad not see what a wonderful person Jorge was? There are so many instances that I can think of where he stepped up when Dad was too drunk to care. So, I started to hold a grudge against Dad, especially when I was a teenager.
This grudge led to me distance myself from Dad, and eventually the guilt, I felt when he passed away. I've since made my peace with it. I now understand that Dad was an alcoholic, and so many of the things he did were a result of that.
When I was home for Christmas this winter, Jorge and I got into a conversation about forgiveness. He said something that shows the person he was. He said, "I wish Dad was around. If he was, I'd be kissing him all over his face. I don't care what he did or how he treated me. He was my dad, and I would show him that I love him."
His ability to forgive is something to be admired.
1 comment:
you have given me much to process.
i am never sure about forgiving parents for hurting children...not saying you shouldn't or it isn't admirable, it is just a difficult place to be.
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