Why does doing the right thing sometimes feels wrong?

I like to think that I’m pretty honest. I’m not very good at lying because my face says it all, all of the time. That’s why when the self checkout machine gave me a hundred dollar bill instead of a twenty, I took it to the girl that oversees them all and traded it in for a twenty. Yeah, I could use the money, but I got nervous since the machine had my debit card info and thought they could somehow trace it all back to me. Since then, I’ve thought so many times, “Que mensa!”

T-shirts

For some reason, I've always been the one that gets quirky t-shirts. Like during the first Gulf War, my bro god me one with a caricature of Sadam that said, "So Damn Insane."

The same brother also got me a shirt of Jesus on the cross trying to push it up and I think it said, "Bench press this!" At the time, I had no idea what that meant, but I wore the shirt. Often times, people would stare and sometimes laugh.

Fast forward about ten years, I started to make my own quirky shirts. I made myself a Frijolera t-shirt after listening to the Molotov song. I also have one that says "Mexican Jumping Beaner" and of course, a "Big Brown Girl" one.

However, in between my "creative creations," I've made some for las mujeres de Juárez. Whatever money we make off them goes to their organization. This week, I was asked to make a couple for an event later today. This time, the creativity kicked in and I decided to make each one different, after all, each one of those young girls was different in her own way. The one in the picture is my favorite.

ESPN vs Univision

In my rancho, these are the only two channels that show the World Cup games. Fortunately, I have access to both of these channels. However, when asked to choose, I prefer watching the games on Univision.

Le ponen mas color. Plus, aren't the commercials awesome? My current favorite is the Coca Cola one where the ice cube jumps out of the cup and is screaming, then he melts and says something like, "Siempre pasa lo mismo."

Any of you guys have a fave?

An aside-I finally figured out how to post a pic, as you can see. Dan the Man says I look funky in that pic because I look disproportioned.

Nervous Energy

Last week, as my sis drove west on I-10, there was this nervous energy about us. We listened to 850 AM until we were out of range. The voices of the soccer commentator only enhanced the energy. When we arrived in San Antonio, the nervous energy only increased. Not only did we get a little lost, there was a lot of traffic near the hotel.

Today, the nervous energy returns. I hope El Tri does its best or I might pull out some of my hair or kick Dan the Man (accidentally of course, can you believe he's still sleeping on such an important day?!)!

Si se puede! Si se puede! Si se puede!

Rain & weekend

Something very bad happened to my computer. I fixed it, but for the time being I don’t have Word and all of my music was deleted. This is yet another instance proving to me that I need to make a switch to Mac.

Anyway, my last couple of days have been good. Class was cancelled today due to the rain. My neighborhood didn’t flood when I went out, but there’s no telling what happened earlier today. There was a truck on the median leaning into the ditch. I tried to take a picture of it, but Dan the Man was being a jerk and erased it. He also put his arm in the way.

Anyway, Thursday was my birthday and it was great. My sis got me a copy of The Adventures of Goat. I think that’s the one of the most thoughtful gifts I’ve ever received. I also got a retro Super Mario Brothers game for the Gameboy which has caused me a bit of frustration. I’m terrible at video games, but I really wanted this game. My mom also rocked my world with the new Julieta Venegas cd. It’s awesome.

On Friday, I went to the big ranch, AKA San Antonio, with my sis and the ex roomie to see Robert Karimi. His show was awesome and I liked hanging out at Bar America, but I could have done without the jackass server at Blue Star. Anyway, if you haven’t heard of Karimi, I highly recommend checking him out.

Well, I’m out. Home duties need to be tended to.

Help Save El Segundo Barrio

I am incensed after reading the plans to wipe out El Segundo Barrio in El Paso. The more I think and read about it, the angrier I get. It makes me think of historical houses on the North side of downtown. Why don’t they wipe them out? What is so special about them that they can stay pero the south side gets wiped out?

Please, please, please help a sister out and sign it and pass along the info.

Hello everyone,

I am writing to let you know that there are efforts here, spearheaded by developers (the Paso del Norte Group) and politicians, to demolish 128 acres of el Segundo Barrio, the second oldest Mexicano barrio in El Paso, an area of critical importance to Chicano history and a living community. For a hundred years or more, el Segundo has served as the port of entry to thousands of Mexicano immigrants. It was in this barrio that Mariano Azuela published the first great novel of the Mexican Revolution, Los de Abajo. It was in this neighborhood that Teresita Urrea, la Santa de Cabora, lived and healed thousands in the 1890s. The barrio is rich with Mexicana/o and Chicana/o history.

As scholars of Chicano studies, our voices are needed to stop the destruction of the barrio. We have seen this type of destruction before, whether it be Olvera Street in the 1930s or Chavez Ravine in the 1950s. We can't let this keep happening.

Please visit the website of Paso del Sur and help save the barrio. Please spread the word.

http://www.pasodelsur.com/

thanks,
Yolanda Leyva

Divisions, yay or nay?

Yesterday, we had a little extra time before I had to be at Quilty's class. Dan the Man was borrowing my car cbecause his does't have a/c. Since he was going to get gifts for a certain Browngirl's upcoming b-day, I decided he could use my car.

Anyway, we'd gone to the library earlier. I was curious to see what the library in the "ghetto" part of town was like. It was actually much better than the one near us. It was pretty big, and had tons of resources like a computer lab, a good size reference section, a good size children's section, a rather large collection of young adult novels, and computers throughout the library. Dan the Man doesn't understand the concept of sitting in the library reading the books you plan to check out, so we left.

We then went to a carniceria because I was looking for the Gamesa pastries with cards of El Tri's team members, but didn't find any. Since we still had time left, we decided to go to Barnes and Noble. Even though I don't like to buy books from them, I like using their facilities to read and write. I think of it as a private library.

Yesterday, their Latino Studies shelves seemed emptier than usual. There were only two shelves with the classics: Richard Rodriguez, Victor Villaseñor, Julia Alvarez, Denise Chaves, Judith Ortiz Cofer, Piri Thomas. After browsing the shelfs, I asked myself: Is it better that the Latino themed titles be seperated or would it be better to put them under their subject area?

I san see the plusses on both sides of the issue, but I still can't answer my question. What do you guys think?

Soccer

Mexico juega hoy. I can’t wait. I don’t know if I should go to the gym and watch the game there. It would give me something to do, but then I might get upset and kick something or worse yet, someone. You should have seem me the day the spelling be was on and the kid from Houston lost. I didn’t hurt anything or anyone, but you were able to hear a “Damn!”

I don’t really follow soccer until these major games. My problem, as with hockey, is that I like so many players, that I just can’t choose one team to follow. Therefore, I like when they have events such as the World Cup, because then they have many of the players that I like. Although, this time they didn’t take Paco Palencia.

Do you guys remember that year that Mexico beat Brazil at La Copa FIFA Confederaciones? Oh man, that was the best year ever. I had an outfit that I wore for the games. It was some mismatched thing: a black t-shirt (I think it was an old Levis t-shirt) and some white shorts with red pinstripes. I used to hide it on the top shelf of my closet in the crate that held my purses. I was convinced that it was because I was wearing that getup that they had made it. I wish I had my little getup today; I’d definitely be sporting it today.

With a Little Help From Your Friends

Necesito ayuda. It seems that no matter what songs I have on my MP3 player while I'm at the gym, I get bored. Thus far, the only songs that seem to keep me moving one of the Selena songs from her live concert and Carnaval by Celia Cruz.

Anyway, since many of you are music connoisseurs, I figured I'd ask for your help. What songs get you moving?

And you said you had nothing to say...

I don’t necesarilly have anything to blog about. I do need to say where I copied and from whom in my last post. I copied from: Spelling with Flicker and from MsABC.

The last couple of days I was engulfed in Dan Brown’s Angels and Demons. I think it would have been cool to see this book as a movie. But like Dan the Man said, “You never know, since The DiVinci Code did so well.”

Of course, like a loving partner, here I am wondering, “Did The DiVinci Code do very well?”

I was stuck in GT (Gifted and Talented) Training all of last week. I doodled, read, and worked on the puzzles they gave us most of the time. It just seems like after the first day, none of the information was new. That’s sort of like that damn Generic Teaching Strategies class I’m taking now.

Everyone that’s had this professor has complained about her. When she gave us our syllabus last week, some people in the class just about fainted because we have something due every day except for two days. Up until now, all of our classes had been a joke. I mean, if graduate classes were as easy as ATCP makes it for us, everyone would have a masters.

Anyway, people were bitching and moaning to no end. I was fine with it. I mean, I have easy street with the other prof and then this one; it’s a pretty good balance. Besides, I’m not working so it makes it easier to get stuff done (unless of course, I’m enthralled in some book at the moment).

However, the thing that drives me crazy is that she makes us print an endless amount of handouts and then goes through them on the overhead in class. I mean, really, why not just add that to the reading material and save us that crap. I can read and comprehend. Plus, I’ve found that all this education stuff, its repetition half the time or it’s something that you already know about, but someone just gave it a name.

So she uses up five hours of my day going over all this crap, telling lame stories, and freaking me out with her voice. It goes from high to low without warning. It’s quite creepy. I am very curious about her as a person. I figure she must be pretty religious since she is working for a Catholic college. Also, I don’t believe she has any kids; but I have a feeling she fills her days with activities such as quilting. She always wears a jacket made out of quilting fabric. Thus far, she’s had a different one each day, but I’ve only seen her twice. I don’t know what else takes up her time, perhaps that’s why she keeps us up until the very last second. Anyway, I better stop; I will learn something from her.

Last thing, I know I said I didn’t have anything to say, but I just thought of this stuff. You know that if you have a Gmail account, you can set up a personalized Google page right? Well, on mine, I have links to NPR stories because thanks to my sister & ex-roomie, I’m addicted to it. But since I don’t have to wake up early, I’m not in the car to listen to Morning Edition or All Things Considered, so I use my Google page to keep up with the news.

I was delighted to see a story on Michelle Serros’ new novel. It’s a young adult novel. I suppose I’ll have to look into adding this to my classroom collection. If you have a chance, check out the story.

Well, I guess since I’m up, I should head out to the gym. Maybe I’ll make it back in time to complain about the Great Day Houston host.

I copied too

Se acabo

It’s early afternoon on a weekday and I’m home. I’m done. No more lessons, no more books, no more students’ dirty looks.

Yesterday, when the kids left, it felt like any other day. I don’t think it’s started to sink in that when they come back next year, they won’t be in my class anymore. I don’t know though, I mean, maybe I got myself used to the idea that they wouldn’t be my kiddos forever. I think maybe if I had one class of kids all day, I would have bawled my eyes out. But they didn’t cry and I didn’t cry. Some of them got hugs and I signed everyone’s paper, notebook, or yearbook. I tried to make it personal to each one. I guess I’ve accepted as territory that comes with the job.

I’m really looking forward to next year. I’ve learned so much from the kids I had this year, and I know that next year, I’m going to have a much better start.

I’m excited that I’ll have more time to blog and stuff. This morning on my way to school, I felt so relaxed. I mean, I have some things that I’m worry about right now, but it’s nice to not have to think about work for a while.

The Guys and I

Since the sixth graders got the highest test scores out of all the grades, they were rewarded by a swimming trip to the nearby YMCA. But because of hormones and lawsuits, girls and boys go on different days. The way it turned out, I got put on the chaperone list for the boys. So today and tomorrow, I will spend the day with the boys in my homeroom and my buddy teacher’s homeroom class.

Because half the teachers would be gone, we would have to remain in homeroom until sixth period (which today was at 11:15 AM). To pass the time, I showed them the end of Selena.

It turned out quite nice because after the movie, we did end up having a short discussion. Most of them had seen the movie already and helped answer questions for those who had. We talked a little about Saldívar and what would happen to her if she came out of jail. It was a quite fruitful discussion.

Tomorrow should be a lot of fun for them. It’ll be cool to see them enjoying themselves. After all, they definitely earned it.

The Adventures of Ms. Baeza & Goat

School is over on Wednesday for the kids and Thursday for me. I’m excited but I hate having to pack all my junk because summer school will be held in our building. I’ve received so many thoughtful cards and drawings from my students. It’s quite an accomplishment for me to see how much they have learned. I think my first year out of college hasn’t been in vain and I’ve done pretty well.

We’re spending the last couple days watching Selena. The kids seem to really be enjoying it. I wish I had more time to discuss it with them. She was so much like them. I’m sure that they get that and I would love to hear what they have to say.

The Adventures of Goat

My entire life I have been surrounded by books. I had tons of them when I was a kid. My oldest sister started the collection and everyone else continued it. Some of my favorites were My Little Golden Books. The other day, I was browsing in an antique shop, when out of the corner of my eye; I caught the glimmer of the spine of a Little Golden Book. I immediately walked over to the bookshelf and rummaged through them. They had a copy of the very edition of Goldilocks and the Three Bears that I had.

One of my fondest memories is of my mom reading to me. My mom worked a lot while I was growing up, so when I was a kid, having alone time with my mom was sort of a luxury. One of my favorite things for her to do with me was read to me. All of my books were in English, and even though my mom couldn’t read it, she managed to tell me a story. If she didn’t know the story, she used the pictures to guide her.

One of the stories that she did not know was The Adventures of Goat. According to her, it was about a goat that leaves the farm because he is artist and one of his portraits is entered into a contest. What I remember the most is when the goat is boarding the bus and turns to his farm buddies and says, “Pero voy a volver!”

I used to laugh so much at that for some reason. I don’t know if it was the slurred deep voice that she said it in or the way she hung her hand attempting to imitate a hoof and waved goodbye to me. In any case, I’ve spent much time looking for this book. I never knew the title of the book until I put my Google skills to good use.

Thus far, I think I’ve found the right book. I’ve tried to locate a picture of it, but it doesn’t really look like the one I had. Of course, editions change over the years. I guess the only way to really find out is to order it.

A Year Ago...

Yesterday, I graduated.

That is all.

Ecstatic

Okay, so TAKS scores are in, and although I hate the idea of teaching to the test, I'm really happy that out of my 61 students, 58 passed. For a brand new teacher, I think that's pretty good.

But that's not the only thing that's got me smiling from ear to ear. This morning I recieved the following e-mail:

We talked about you in 1st/2nd period. And J, M, and G spoke highly of you!

You are cool and you have a genuine attitude towards classwork.
They enjoy joking and working at the same time.

That is an awesome compliment! I do not think German is even in your class???

Hope this adds a little sunshine to your day!

On top of that, I made it to the Orchestra concert earlier this evening and this one kiddo I'd been having some trouble with said, "Miss, you remember our concert!"

Then she turned to another kid and said, "She even wrote it on her calander. Now that's a teacher."

It's hard to believe that nine months ago, I didn't even want to go into work. I had knots in my stomach every morning thinking about work. Lunch was some crappy snack food or crackers because I couldn't stomach a real meal.

An Introvert Reflects

I didn’t realize how long I’ve been gone. I feel like a distant observer in Blogatitlan. I read so many people’s journals but hardly ever leave comments. Maybe it’s because I say so much every day, I feel like I’m being redundant.

I have a bit more introverted than usual the last couple of weeks. I’ve been reflecting on mostly work. It’s almost the end of the year, I’m excited and then I’m sad. This morning, as I lay in bed soothing the pain in my heel, I thought about the beginning of the school year. I was so nervous that I couldn’t eat. I was shaky and kept thinking, “This is really it.”

Then I thought about next year, and I got really excited. I know I won’t be as nervous and I’ll have a much better plan. I wasn’t one of those people that kept a written running list of all the things I did wrong. Instead, I made mental notes. When I think back, I remember the exact moment and cause of my wrong doing.

Next year, I’ll introduce myself to all of them before they walk into my class. Instead of the word puzzle packets, we’ll do some kind of ice breaker activity after all that paper work. And, I’ll be able to attend Tiger Camp, the sixth grade informational meeting for the kids. It’ll also be cool because I’m sure I’ll have a couple of kids from this year go by to say hello or bug me.

At the same time, I’m saddened that I won’t have some of the same kids. Yesterday, during a meeting, a fellow teacher asked, “Do you joke around with all your classes? Don’t you find that you can’t do that with all of them?”

“No,” I said.

And really, I do joke with all of them. I may have a little turd here or there, but I’m not going to let them stop the other kids from having a good time. I have some very depressed kids with really crappy home situations and they need to laugh somewhere.

In other news, my nephew is well. Thanks to all of you for your concern. He’s back at school and the kids that beat him up were sent to an alternative school. His mother has been taking and picking him up from school like she should have been doing a long time ago.

Lastly, I’ve kept up the gym thing. I gained a lot of weight this year and with the help of many people, I’ve been able to keep up the gym thing. Yesterday, I played racquetball twice. Once with the people from work and the other with Dan the Man. It’s quite fun because I’m so bad at it that I run around like a crazy person. I did a kickboxing class the other day, too. That was like hell, but it was great.

When I’m doing my cardio, I see all sorts of people pass by; and of course, because I’m so nosey/observant, I examine everyone. I mostly like to read t-shirts. But some of the people really inspire me. But I find that the guys inspire me the most. In particular, the ones that work out on the weight machines and make it look so damn simple. That’s what’s made me try some of those hellish machines that leave me weak in the arms/legs/abs and make me feel like I’m the biggest bad ass ever.

Well, I’m off. I have to change the songs on my MP3 player, and head out to the gym. Later, I’m going to the eye doctor and the Latino Book Festival.

It's over!

I was so relieved to hear the 3:45 PM bell today. After spending days locked up in a room getting only 45 minutes to myself, I was ready to be back on our regular schedule. I was giddy with excitement thinking that I won’t have to tell kids to read, stop talking, turn around, or what time it is. Next week, we’re exploring poetry in the form of corridos, haiku, and limericks to name a few.

In my quest to be a medium brown girl, I joined a gym last week. I’ve been working out almost every day. Well, except for Easter because it was closed and the day my heel was killing me. Anyway, as an employee of the school district, I get a huge discount on membership, as do some of my colleagues. I usually run into two of them. Today, we planned to attend the Salsa class. It was actually quite fun, and I managed to look like I was kinda dancing. Have a mentioned before that I’m a horrible dancer? That could be another reason people think I’m a gringa.

It’s not all fun and games though. On Wednesday night, I received some horrifying news. My nephew, Richard, a sixth grader at a school in El Paso, got beat up by seven kids on Tuesday afternoon. He was trying to be chivalrous because some kid was pinching his girlfriend’s breasts. So he confronted the kid and they ended up meeting after school. Well, the kid took his friends and they all joined in on the fun. Richard passed out and didn’t wake up for a while. He’s got some bruising of the brain and yesterday he told me his face looks funny and his head hurts a lot.

I tear up thinking about the whole thing. I work so hard to keep my kiddos safe. If I know that they’re talking about fighting someone, I’m on them. I tell the counselor or another teacher. I watch them as the go from class to class because they don’t have all the skills to deal with problems rationally. I’m not saying his teachers had to do this. His mom could have helped out by getting off her lazy ass to take him to and from school. But I digress.

I hope you all are having a good week.

Wha?

A couple months ago, during one of my post-observation meetings, my faciliatator, said to me, "I think you're a great teacher and you have so much to offer to your students, but I'm afriad the harsh reality of the classroom is going to push you away."

At that moment, I thought, "Hah, you're crazy!"

But her words resonated in my ears this morning when the principal came on the intercom this morning and said, "We want SJ to be recognized! Do your best today!"

It took me back to my Wal-Mart days. It gave me a sick feeling in my stomach. Yeah, our kiddos have to produce, but not in this way. It further upset me that at 3:15 kids were sent to their 5th period class and we're expected to teach. What the heck are they thinking? You force a kid to sit for six hours and test, then read, and you don't allow them to go outside, stand up, or breathe and then you want them to go to a class at the end of the day to learn?

I took my class outside and we played Red Rover. All anyone talks about is TAKS, it's over now, so of course the kids think school is out. I think I'm up for a couple of challenging weeks. However, I think they might actually be fun. Goodbye TAKS prep packets hello Literature and Writing.

In other news, my heel is killing me. I decided to do something good for me and join the gym and either the walking around all day or the working out has irked something in my heel. It hurts like a mother to walk and at times, I get these excrutiatingly painful throbs.

I hope everyone had a happy Easter and/or Passover. I'm off to look for poetry lessons for the last couple of weeks.

Immigration & Little League

You all know about wearing white on Monday, not purchasing anything, and being encouraged not to show up to work or school, right? I'm showing up to work because I'm a square like that, but I am wearing white and not purchasing anything (I must say, the purchasing thing will be difficult because I usually eat dinner w/ my co-worker & classmate because we have class on Monday night.)

Anyway, my sis and I were talking about this the other night because she was asking if I was going to any of the protests. It gets a little hairy because my commitment is to the kids not the education system. On our trip to "teacher happy camp," I had a conversation with one of the other fellow Latina teachers. She wasn't aware that there were only about four Latino teachers on staff and fewer African Americans. I think it really opened her eyes.

So when I think about it, I feel like I'm doing more by actually going to work. I submitted this week's headlining article with my lesson plans. I didn't get them back yet. We're still reading it on Monday, regardless.

On Monday, when I asked them to write about their weekend in their journal, A.T. told me all about opening day and getting the game ball. I asked about his team and what position he played. Friday a few minutes before the bell for the end of homeroom rang, he said, "Ms. will you go to my game later?"

At the end of the day, all I wanted was to come home and sleep. Since getting over my cold, I haven't had the sleeping effects of medicine and so I don't get to fall asleep until very late. Pair that up with feeling dizzy and weak b/c of the nasty salad the night before and you'll get one tired me who didn't want to go to this game.

However, Rachel Ray was making ballpark food, and I knew this kid would be waiting for me to show up, besides what's two hours. So come six o'clock, I headed toward the general direction of where he said his game would be. After weaving through some neighborhoods, I found the park.

I was a little shy about showing up. It's mostly parents that go to these things. How would I look showing up there. I don't even know this kid's parents. After watching the little girls eat ice cream as the jump on a trampoline in the backyard of the houses that lined one side of the park, I gained enough courage. The only thing I kept thinking was that I'd made a commitment to this kid.

After a couple plays, he saw me and alerted A.S., the pitcher and another one of my students, that I was in the stands. They both looked at me and smiled. Later, another one of my students came to the bleachers and looked as if he'd seen the most amazing thing in the world. "Ms. Baeza! What are you doing here?"

After I told him, I inquired about his game. He was playing after the game we were currently watching. I told him I'd stay to watch him too. As more of his teammates showed up, more kids asked his same question. They would go run around and come back to sit with me while I watched the game. When shocked kid's mom showed up, he whispered to her that I was there and that I would be staying to watch his game, too.

It was so nice to see them outside of school, doing the things they love. I felt like I do when I read their journals, honored, that they would share this part of their life with me.